I had an "aha" moment today as I cleaned up David's vomit, changed his clothes and his bed clothes, washed things and brought him a drink and some jello. Throw up grosses me out, but even when my children are covered with it and I cringe and want to turn away, I don't because I love them and I want to help them. I want them to be clean, to feel better, to have what they need, to rest, to call out to me when they need help and to know that I will be with them. Do I like that in the middle of the night while I am sleeping? No, not really. But I am compelled to action by my love for them. The sickness of my children doesn't make me love them less. To the contrary, it reminds me of my love and gives me opportunity to demonstrate it.
The past few days I've been praying that God would help me to understand more completely how He can hate to look on sin and yet love me, a sinner. He answered my prayer through my sick children. My sin is like vomit, an ugly wound, a broken bone, infection, cancer. God doesn't want to look at it. He hates it, but He loves me and takes care of me, cleaning me up, setting things right, clothing me with new clothes, nourishing me, and restoring me. He's not doing those things to make me lovable, He's doing them because He loves me.
But what God chose to do to conquer the "sickness" of sin and death cost Him much more that what it costs me to minister to sick children. I might have to leave my bed at night when I am comfy and warm. He left the glories of heaven where He was adored and obeyed. I can clean with some cloths, water and detergent. Sin requires shed blood for cleansing, blood from a perfect sacrifice. Only God Himself could offer perfect blood. Now I better understand Jesus as the physician who came to help the sick and the sinners.
God doesn't ask me to clean up my own sin, but He doesn't want me to stay in it either. He wants me to admit I'm not well. He wants me to call out to Him for help. He wants me to submit to His help. He wants me to trust Him and not fight Him as He removes my filthy clothes and cleanses my impurity. He wants me to accept the nourishment and medicine He offers. He want me to accept others He sends to help me. He wants me to rest. As His cleansing and healing takes place, He wants me to get up and try the things He asks me to do that will make me stronger. He doesn't want me to overdo it and try to go beyond what He wants me to do, for that will only wear me out and weaken me. He wants me to listen to Him, obey Him, lean on Him.
God loves me. God loves the world. God gave His one and only Son that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but shall have eternal life.
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